You are right that I am stuck. I wouldn't want this to be discovered or hurt anyone in anyway. For now, there's a fragile balance which seems to work for everyone involved. It's a huge responsibility I am taking to ensure everyone is safe (from all perspectives) and so far I am doing a good job while also enjoying personal development which would not have been available to me in my primary relationship. My husband is not a bad person I would want to hurt intentionally. The reason I am doing this is because he didn't have and will never have the ability to deliver the kind of intimacy I need. Still we are parents, and for the large portion of it, good partners. He doesn't ask questions, although, I would never question his ability to connect the dots. I am sometimes even wondering if he may know but wouldn't ask because he is not prepared to hear an answer. I hope this clarifies it a little more.