With all due respect for your position in this and your suffering, our situations differ. My AP and I have clarified expectations from the start. While we both wish things could be different, they're not so we make the best of what is possible. And no, the difference you're stating is not between women and men (who are mostly interested in sex and not as invested emotionally). We have been emotionally invested when this started. And the possibility of us meeting in person and taking our affair at the next level involved taking some informed risks (especially on my end), hence the "cheater" made most of the effort here. Which he sees, understands and appreciates. He is, an emotionally mature man who does not pressure me into making a decision because he knows that if a kid were not involved as a collateral damage, I would have taken a leap of faith and left my husband. But he's mature to understand things for what they are, and has the internal resources to manage the sadness that things are not always the way we want them to be. I also do the same. It would be easier to leave and focus on a fresh start. But there's a kid involved and who's my top priority. I am not trying to convince you but maybe some other readers might find sense in what I am saying. Merry Christmas!