Thought provoking comment. Thank you! My husband has not necessarily changed behaviour. I did. And I don't think this would have been possible while I was miserable. I was in a really bad place before my affair started. My mood influences my reactions and my tolerance levels and has, as I have seen, positive ripple effects. Now regarding opening the marriage, I tested the waters, and soon aborted mission. My husband is a very simple guy with simple needs. If he gets sex from me, he doesn't need it from somewhere else and addionally, when I lightly brought this us, he was very clear about not wanting to share his wife with anyone else (except for other ladies). Now, the primary reason I am having an affair is not sex. Sex is good, I have nothing to complain about what I am getting at home. It's everything else I am getting. The intellectual stimulation, the care, the respect, the playfulness, the novelty, the edge, all these stuff that make me feel alive. In a different universe I would see myself having a life with the AP and still maintain this magic we have. But there are so many constraints I can't talk about yet, that would make having an official relationship very unlikely. Maybe this is actually the reason why I accepted to turn my emotional affair into a physical one...knowing that it will always be my best kept secret. You know that glow in someone's eyes that makes one magnetic and everyone's wondering what's the secret? Well that's the secret 😇