Oh the amount of judgment I got around here was scary. It gave me second thoughts. Buuuut as you say things are not always black and white. They are different shades of gray and until you've been into one you can't fully understand it. In my case, I have days when I think I should end the affair. I have days when I think I should end the marriage. I have days when I think I should end both. And there are days when I think I shouldn't do anything to change it because for now, everyone is in a better place due to the affair. My husband cares about his face more than anything should the affair came to surface. My therapist advanced a theory that he might actually know and he doesn't say anything because he hates those kind of discussions. James Sexton, a renowed divorce lawyer says something interesting "It’s not even about marriage. It’s about meaningful connection. That’s something I learn over and over and over. Ask most people to name the two top reasons for divorce, and they’ll almost always guess correctly: cheating and ruinous money issues. But those are never the reasons for divorce—rather, they’re the symptoms of a bad marriage. Lack of meaningful connection and proper attention and enduring affection led to those lapses, not the fact that someone in Accounts Payable happened to be wearing an incredible outfit one day when the weather turned warm. (Damn you, Heather!)". My husband doesn't really pay attention to me. He never did. He doesn’t do it now. He's too self-absorbed with his hobbies and his own preoccupations to give a damn...