I really appreciate all your feedback, dear A.Nonymos. I am not taking for granted your the time to read my stories and also comment — it really humbles me.

When it comes to my husband, I know the theory and what I should do, but I can’t leave him. From a logistics perspective doing it would be easy. Still, because it never was that bad, I can’t find the reasons, internally, to leave him. This is part of the reason why I am in therapy, to understand why I can’t do it.

Again, and I need to stress this: he is not a horrible person. If he would be, by my standards, I would have been gone already. He has serious issues but the fact that they are familiar and I’m starting to learn how to navigate our relationship with his issues included, gives me a sense of achievement.

I don’t have to tell you this, because I can see that you’re well documented on the topic, but since his emotional unavailability resembles my mother’s, seeing him come around (which he sometimes does) helps me heal my childhood.

Just the other day, we were sitting in the car waiting for our son to fall asleep at the nursery school to allow transition to a full-time routine. We had around 3 hours to spend just the two of us, while waiting and it really felt like we just gotten to know eachother. The people we are today are years (literally and figuratively) away from the people we were the last time we had the chance to spend together 3 uninterrupted hours. He opened up more, even if by putting a humorous front, he let me in, for the first time. I guess, I am not the same needy partner I was back then and it felt a little, how our relationship could rekindle.

Only 3 months ago when he joined me for the first and last time to my therapy session, my therapist concluded that from what she saw, our relationship was not dead. Was on alive either, but hanging in there on life support. I was skeptical because I really hated his guts back then.

So, when we started laughing together while waiting for our son, I understood what my therapist meant.

I really want this to work because I am aware that the key to having a successful relationship is with me, and I feel I haven’t yet exhausted everything that depended on me to fix (which is basically me, and my own issues).

Thanks again!

Eir.