I get where you're coming from. Emotional affairs can be tricky and often happen for various reasons. Finding yourself outside your marriage might indeed be about avoiding vulnerability and trust with your spouse.

Esther Perel's views on secrecy and infidelity might not be everyone's cup of tea. Some see her ideas as justifying bad behavior, while others think she’s trying to explore the deeper issues in relationships. People have different takes on this, and that's okay.

In the end, understanding why emotional affairs happen can help everyone involved figure things out and move forward. It's important to talk about these things honestly and try to see where each person is coming from.