I don't know if that helps, but I heard of something called radical acceptance. "Radical acceptance means practicing a conscious effort to acknowledge and honor difficult situations and emotions. Fully accepting things as they are, instead of ignoring, avoiding, or wishing the situation were different, can be a critical step in moving through a difficult experience to experiencing more meaning." I know how you feel. If you can't leave the marriage, and we all have our good reasons, radical acceptance can help you be OK with your decision. Own it. It is what it is. Glad you have anchors like your friends and jobs. Sending you a big <3