I can relate so much to you that makes me think we’re sisters. I have also a similar background with lack of affection (among others) from main carers which later translated into prolonged depression and anxiety.

I also feel like I am mentally trapped in this marriage of mine besides a guy that doesn’t give a damn about me. He is a self-absorbed asshole and I simply can’t leave him even if I have the financials means to do it.

We have a son together and I keep telling myself that at least for a while Parenting Marriage (even if we haven’t made it official) should work.

In reality I think that I am still deeply insecure, regardless of how much I have progressed and on top of it, this type of stupid resilience is deeply ingrained in my DNA. My mom too stayed in an unfulfilled relationship.

While I am not my mother, and I do have all the prerequisites to leave because I don’t depend on him, I still can do it. It’s like I’m trapped. Super strange.

Anyway, I feel I can related a lot to your stories, so I will keep reading you, hoping that I can learn a thing or two from you.

Stay strong, darling! You got this!