Hi, Thomas! I missed your comments! You know that many times when I write a piece I think "what would Thomas say?; is this hurtful?" Anyway. My therapist also advanced a theory that my husband might know. I would never insult your intelligence, and I think I know him well by now to be able to understand his stance if he would know and choose not to say anything about it. He is a very complacent type of person and he would not take such a big discussion just to prove a point. I think that the only thing he would actually fear is his reputation. He would not take lightly such things coming to surface and be considered a fool. I don’t think is a fool at all, and I do care about his feelings. I would never want to create him harm. I am sorry he didn't want to take therapy together or alone. He will never will. I am sorry he didn't want to work through our issues, as he refuses to acknowledge we have any (still). I am sorry he doesn't want to grow together with me as a couple. So I am taking what he's willing to offer and filling in with the rest of it myself. I am not so young anymore, and I often think about what kind of regrets I will get as an old frail lady. Living only for others and not for myself is a big one I fear. Which contradicts with the other one: being selfish and living only for myself. Hence, divorce is indeed, the easy way out of me, but with many collateral damages I constantly mindful of. That's why I choose the hard, deeply morally flawed one, but the one that works for now. Happy Holidays, dear Thomas 🤗